What Makes a “Kingdom Woman”?

Guest Blog by a woman I greatly admire, Ashley Easter. 

What Is a Kingdom woman?

there-is-no-one-size-fits-all-calling-or-mission-for-girls-and-women-neither-are-there-gendered-restrictions-given-in-the-bible-that-keep-women-from-using-their-god-given-gifts-in-the-world-at-theirIs she the stay-at-home, homeschooling mom serving her family with domesticated excellence?

Is she the nine to five, working mother who faithfully provides for her family?

Is she the single mom creating a stable home for her children after a turbulent divorce?

Is she the young, single woman serving in the children’s ministry, praying for a mate?

Is she the middle-aged, single woman with a fulfilling career and an eye on advancement so she can give more to those in need?

Is she the woman from India working at FreeSet making bags to provide for herself and her family?

Is she the woman from Kenya, freed from patriarchal oppression and advocating for equality for the girls in her society alongside the Ekklesia Foundation for Gender Education?

Is she the woman working three jobs just to rise above the poverty line so her children have a better life?

Is she the woman traveling and preaching a message of good news she cannot help but spread?

Is she the pastor’s wife who plays piano and leads the children’s choir?

Is she the teacher, impacting young men and women with knowledge that leads to opportunity?

Is she the police officer putting herself in danger to keep us all safe?

Is she the entrepreneur with a life changing idea worth sharing and job opportunities that need creating?

Or Is she the sexual assault responder offering support to those who have had their innocence taken?

It turns out, all of the descriptions above are that of Kingdom women.  For we are all Kingdom women, if we are in Christ.

When we look at the Bible we do not see a one dimensional view of Kingdom womanhood, instead we see a plethora of varied descriptions of woman used by God. We see female judges, prophets, church planters, deacons, apostles, war heroines, genocide stoppers, mothers, bible teachers, evangelists, business owners and espionage concealers.  

There is no one-size-fits-all calling or mission for girls and women. Neither are there gendered restrictions given in the Bible that keep women from using their God-given gifts in the world at their fullest capacity. We need all of us, men and women, educated and living out our varied callings, unhindered because this is what advances our society (1) and this is what advances the Gospel (2).

-Ashley Easter


Notes and Sources:

  1. According to United Nations when women are educated and allowed to participate in the workforce, economies and countries grow rapidly.

(2) Todd Rosenwald from His Feet International reports that the booming house church movement in China is made up of 75% female leaders.


ashley-041About Ashley:

Ashley is an extroverted, quirky-minded, Jesus-enthused, budding world changer, a recovering people pleaser, and a self-proclaimed dyslexic. She is passionate about loving Jesus and about partnering with her husband in bringing the flavor of His kingdom to the world by advocating for gender equality, educating the Church on abuse, and promoting truth-seeking expeditions.

Christian Feminist and Ex-Stay-At-Home Daughter

Writer / Speaker / Abuse Victim Advocate

Founder of The Courage Conference


Twitter: @ashleymeaster


Jesus, Social Injustice, and Me- Being a Voice for the Least of These

What makes you excited? What burns in your soul? What has God placed in your heart to do or say?

I have been doing a lot of soul-searching these last few months and God has continued to stoke the fire in my heart on certain issues. He has challenged me to speak out about things that are not popular conversations/things we just don’t openly talk about too often. I feel that God has called me to speak out, specifically, against the sexual assault of women, women preaching/teaching, racism, world wide oppression of women (which varies depending on country and culture), etc (Personal Note: there are MANY other kinds of injustices but I am unable to speak out against every single injustice in the world. I feel God has specifically asked me to speak out about certain things). Instead of getting into lengthy conversations about it I will post my thoughts here (I hope it will makes sense) and helps you understand a bit more about why I choose not to be silent on these matters as well as some things God has been showing me about His heart towards these specific matters.

Let’s start here:

Did Jesus speak out? Did he call out oppression, racism, and sexism?

Yes, yes He did.

  1. Jesus spoke against injustice (specifically against women) in a time when
    women were nothing more than silent servants to their husbands or fathers (in society’s eyes- but not in Jesus’ eyes).  
    When the woman “caught in the act of adultery” was thrown at his feet by men calling for justice (meaning they wanted to stone her to death – but not the man she was caught adulterating with), Jesus doodled in the sand, called the men out on their double standard, and every man dropped their stones and left. Jesus was an advocate for an injustice against a woman.

Jesus dealt with sexism- double standards for men and women, as well as violence towards women. See John 8 for this full story.john-8-injustice

In Luke 7 we see Jesus having dinner at one of the religious leaders homes with his disciples and a group of Pharisees. While they are talking, a woman rushes in (a woman Scripture refers to as a “sinful woman” which means she was probably a prostitute) and falls at the feet of Jesus and begins to weep, wetting his dirty feet with her tears. She also dumps her life savings (in the form of expensive perfume) on Jesus’ feet and dries his feet with her hair. We all know the story. While this is happening the religious leaders get angry and Jesus defends the woman in front of a house full of angry men-including His disciples (His friends). See verses 44-47. Jesus, a man, defends a woman.  Even more than that she was called a “sinful” woman, to the religious leaders. These religious leaders were disgusted by this woman’s act and just as shocked by Jesus’ response.

Luke 7:39 Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he spoke to himself, saying, “This Man, if He were a prophet, would know who and what manner of woman this is who is touching Him, for she is a sinner.”

Jesus tells them a parable and calls them out on their prejudice and prideful hearts (because they considered themselves higher and much better than this ‘disgusting woman’). Then, as if He hadn’t offended his hosts enough, He tells this sinful woman her sins are forgiven! In front of a group of men who were looking at this woman as though she were nothing more than a stray dog – Jesus showed her compassion, love, mercy, and forgiveness regardless of what the religious leaders said

2. Jesus ministered to a woman He shouldn’t have, because of her race. He also shouldn’t have been talking with her, especially alone, since she was a woman. We see Jesus defy the racism and sexism in that culture in this story.  In John 4 we have the story of the woman at the well, a story we all know and have heard a million times. In that time Jews and Samaritans “did not associate with one another” (see verse 9).  Jesus defies the racism of the culture and spends time talking with this woman and blowing her mind with His insight into her (sinful) life. That woman was the first evangelist of the testimony of Jesus Christ. In verse 39 it says that many of the Samaritans of the town believed in Jesus because of this woman’s testimony.

3. Jesus loved to be with the outcasts – the lowest and most disdained people in society. We see tons of examples where Jesus healed lepers (unclean people who were forced to live outside of the city together), blind men, possessed people, sick women, diseased people, fed masses of hungry and poor people, ministered to tax collectors, allowed women to be taught alongside the men (gasp!), restoring dignity and self-worth to women being abused by men, etc. Jesus didn’t let the culture of the time tell him who he should or should not associate with. He went to the lowest people on the social chain and loved them.  (For examples read Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John).

4. Jesus called out injustice to people’s faces and He often did it publically.  He called out the ones inflicting pain, racism, sexism, and prejudice. He didn’t stay silent because he would offend someone, He didn’t sit quietly by as women were being abused and treated like animals. He didn’t shut His eyes as He passed the homeless or the diseased. He didn’t cover His ear as people cried out for Him to do something.  Jesus wasn’t afraid of offending the minds of the people of the culture He was in because He was doing His Father’s business.  In Matthew 21 we see Jesus tell a few parables calling out the Pharisees about injustice. The crazy part is that in verse 45 it says the Pharisees and Chief Priests knew Jesus was referring to them and they were so angry they started trying to find a reason to arrest Him.

Over and over again we see Jesus defend women, be kind and compassionate to those society treated as outcasts, loved people who society didn’t think He (a Jew) should jesus-sieven associate with (Galileans, Samaritans, sinners, etc), and He even rebuked His disciples a few times for their own prejudices (Matthew 19 (refusing children), Luke 9 (thinking lesser of people outside of their disciple group).

Does the Bible say we should confront injustice, call it out, and do something? Well, we have looked at some examples of Jesus’ life so let’s pull some Scripture…

Prov. 31:8-9 “Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously; defend the rights of the poor and needy.”

Is. 1:17 “seek justice, correct oppression, bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause”.

Jer. 22: 3 “Thus says the LORD: Do justice and righteousness, and deliver from the hand of the oppressor him who has been robbed. Do no wrong to the resident alien, the fatherless and widow.”

1 John 3:17-18 “But if anyone has the world’s good and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in you?

Isaiah 61:1 “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners”.

When someone has a heart for injustice that means they are reflecting the compassion, mercy, and empathy of God. They are being a voice for those who have no voice, they are advocating for those who are outcasts, oppressed, or abused.

It’s hard to be brought face to face with the injustice of the world because it makes us feel uncomfortable, or it can be overwhelming and make us feel helpless. We are incapable of saving and helping everyone.  But, we can make a difference.

Jesus thought social justice was important.

I am a social justice person. It is one thing I am passionate about. It is one thing I am outspoken about. It is one thing I feel God has called me to advocate and speak out prov-31-8-9about. It is one of the ways I reflect the Father’s heart for the abused, outcast, and oppressed. I cannot be silent and I cannot stop raising awareness. I cannot stop speaking for women who are abused and assaulted. It is one of the things that burns inside my veins and makes my heart ache. I feel the Father’s heart for these issues and that is why I post, speak, and am unable to sit silently. I have not perfected or mastered the best way to do this. I am still learning the most honoring and most respectful ways to do this, but I will get better at it.  

This is my cause.

We all have a  cause – something that the Father has placed in our heart and given us a passion for (ie: missions, homeless ministry, preaching, church planting, advocating women in ministry, adoption, etc). Whatever God has called you to or you feel passionate about, do it. Don’t be afraid to take the first step. What God has called you to is unique and will look different from what He has called me to – but, they are equally important! Whatever God has given you a desire to do or a cause to stand for – do it! Be mighty, be brave! Every part of the body is important and every person’s function is equally important! Your voice is needed. What God has called you to do is needed, important, and world changing. Whether you are speaking out and advocating for the abused, pastoring a church, leading small group, being a missionary in the jungle, cleaning your church, empowering women, teaching children, being a full time parent, or whatever it is God has you doing…remember, it is ALL important and it is ALL Kingdom work. 

I end with this….

Matthew 25:34-36
“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,  I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
Romans 12:4-5
For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.


Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will Be Done by Charlie Olivia Grantham

Today’s blog is a guest post by one of my favorite bloggers. Charlie’s blogs inspire, challenge, and teach me. I hope you will be challenged as you read this post!

Ministry is not about us nor our gender, but rather about God and His grace. Our eyes can be so easily swayed from this when “big name” preachers and writers preach “biblical gender roles” and male headship, but there is nothing biblical about gender roles. Sure, there are some obvious differences between men and women (I don’t know any men that can carry and give birth to a human being), but these differences are mostly biological, and have no effect on who can or can’t make good decisions.

But the thing is, God doesn’t play games. He doesn’t trust one gender to pastor and lead more than the other. I mean come on, does He really even leave it up to us mere humans to begin with? Even in the moments where we seem to really have our stuff together, we’re just stumbling around in the dark compared to Him.

So what’s our deal? Why is gender such a big deal to so many people when it comes to preaching?

I think our biggest problem as humans is that we make everything about us. Does God really care about our gender if we’re preaching His word? No. But do we? Clearly. Throughout the course of history, it’s obvious that where people (yes, including Christians) can add more rules, they will.

Preaching isn’t about the preacher. Pastoring is not about the pastor. When it becomes more about the preacher than the One whom the sermon about, we have a problem. In Heaven, there is no bias, there is no limitation based on gender, and there is no hierarchy.

So when we pray for the Kingdom to come to Earth, whose kingdom are we asking for? A man-made kingdom built on pride and power? A kingdom that focuses on gender rather than the Gospel? You see, when you prohibit women from preaching and leading, you make the Gospel about gender rather than grace. You use the Gospel to achieve your mission rather than focusing on the Great Commission. You make the Gospel about yourself rather than Jesus.

And yet, there are so many churches across the United States that hold tightly to the traditional doctrine that women are unfit to lead. According to the Hartford Institute of Religious Research, women make up only 10 percent of senior pastors in the United States.  Along with that, male senior pastors are paid 27 percent more than female pastors. It’s not all about money, but that percentage says a lot about how valued women are compared to men.

We will truly begin to see Heaven on Earth when people no longer try to contain the power of God in man-made boxes, when the Spirit is no longer told where to go or who to speak through. When and women alike make disciples of all nations, and preach the love and salvation of Christ to the ends of the earth. 

That is the Kingdom come. When God is glorified without the restraints of human rules and systems. When men and women join side by side rather than one behind the other. Won’t you join with me in praying for this Kingdom to come?

dsc_0082Charlie Olivia Grantham is a twenty year old college student from New Orleans, LA. She studies Sociology and Media Production, and hopes to work in the film industry one day. She enjoys blogging, yoga, and spending time with her husband and their pups! You can find her blog at charlieolivia.org and follow her on Twitter @charlieeolivia and Facebook by clicking here @CharlieOlivia.

Processing the Injustice

Today I have been unable to process my thoughts without getting emotional. So much hate. So much death. So much misunderstanding. So much injustice. So much pride.

I have seen way too many people say things like,

“I have black friends and no one treats them any different than they do me. Racism is some hyped up issue the news has created.”

“Women are being treated as equal to men. I don’t know any women who aren’t making as much money as a man, or are treated badly by their husband, or not allowed to teach at their church. I also don’t see any women being prostituted by men. They chose that life.”

“Well, I have gay friends and I don’t ever see them being treated badly by anybody, much less Christians.”

Wake up. Just because you don’t see it or it isn’t happening in your perfect circle of the world doesn’t mean racism, gender inequality, homophobia, or whatever else isn’t real and happening. I don’t personally see (hardly any) racism in my life because 85% of my family and friends are white. I don’t see gender inequality very often in my own life because I go to a church and have friends that believe in equal opportunities for men and women in church, marriage, and society. I also don’t know anyone personally who is gay and being targeted by a religion and being hated.

That doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

This week 2 black men were murdered by police for no reason other than they were black, these are only the ones that made the news…who knows how many more there are. This week women all over the world are being treated as sex slaves, as subservient to men, not being allowed to preach in churches, being stuck in unhappy marriages to men who treat them like servants. In the last month, 50 gay men and women were killed in a religious hate crime. An unconscious woman was raped by a white male and the dude walked away with a 3 month prison sentence. Hatred, bigotry, racism, gender inequality, homophobia, abuse of women, white privilege, and hatred of Christians and Muslims is real and none of it is okay. Saying these things are not a big deal or made up because you don’t see them in your small part of the world, is not okay. Jesus did not and does not close His eyes to the injustices of the world.

Today my heart aches. It grieves. I feel all the things today. My heart goes out to the black community and longs for the day when we will all truly be considered equal by everyone. My heart is saddened for the gay community who feel terrified because of what happened in Orlando. My heart grieves for the women who are being abused, mistreated, and/or pushed down by men, even men with good intentions. My heart aches for the religious people who keep getting silenced and called hateful things for believing what they believe and mocked for believing in someone they cannot see.

This world needs more love. This world needs us to come together and take care of each other regardless of race, gender, or social status. We should be mourning with those who mourn. Rejoicing with those who rejoice.

So, today I mourn with the multitudes. I ache for the injustice.

Win 1 of 3 Copies of “God’s Feminist Movement” by Amber Picota

51ir8Wi7s8L._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_Time for another giveaway! The book is God’s Feminist Movement by Amber Picota with Destiny Image Publishers. 

This book does not hit bookstores until mid-July but I am giving 3 copies away before the book releases! If you would like to enter to WIN 1 of the 3 copies follow the directions below.

Winners chosen on June 22nd.

(I ask that if you win the book please read it and write a review for Amber on Amazon)

  1. Like my Facebook Page Here or over on the facebook box on the right sidebar. If you have already “liked” my page please comment on either this post or on the page and let me know you would like to enter)
  2. Like Amber’s Facebook Page Here

Note: I will be pulling the winners from my Facebook Page likes (It shows the likes in order so I will know who entered or you can comment on the Facebook post! 

       That’s it!

Below is the back cover text so you can understand more of the books content:

Has Christianity kept women trapped in the stone age? In many ways, yes; but this is not by God’s design. As society offers women opportunities to explore outer-space and govern nations, the church often stifles and limits them.

The tide is changing, though.

Amber Picota’s God’s Feminist Movement is a new covenant manifesto calling women to embrace their true identity in Christ and fulfill their destiny as revolutionaries who shape the course of history with the Kingdom of God. There is a powerful new feminist movement emerging in the body of Christ. It’s not politically driven and it’s not being championed by an uprising of angry “man-haters.”

Based on an intense study of Scripture, factoring in historical and contextual hermeneutics and original languages, Picota shares a practical, non-legalistic, and non-traditional (yet deeply Biblical) look at topics that women commonly face, such as:

  • Dating and Modesty
  • Female Leaders in the Church
  • Submission in Marriage
  • Beauty and Self-Image

Celebrate the power and beauty of womanhood. God has given you permission to change the world—by being you!

Break off religious traditions that keep women trapped in “old school” legalism and move beyond Christian clichés that minimize a woman’s true position in Christ!


I am Not Sexy.

made in His image

Sexy: sexually attractive or exciting, sexually arousing

Synonyms of ‘sexy’: seductive, desirable, alluring, tempting, provocative, stimulating

Personally, I don’t want any of those words associated with me.

We live in a society that uses the words “sexy” and “hot” to describe women, define women, and determine women’s status. As early as middle school we see girls starting to get their periods, develop breasts, and curves. At this point they are realizing boys aren’t icky anymore. Boys also start noticing these things around the same time. They are trained at a young age to desire ‘sexy’ or ‘hot’ girls, and to determine a girl’s value based on her looks. Girls are given numbers between 1-10 that determine their worth based on their looks and sex appeal. Girls are taught by this system that their looks, body, and sex appeal determine how valuable they are. Girls who rate low on this demeaning scale tend to get bullied, and are made to feel ‘less than’ next to the “pretty” girls.

There is a group of 16-year-old girls I know very well and have had conversations with about their value, worth, and self-esteem. One day I was talking with them and one of a man viewthe girls ended up in tears. She poured out her anger about how she wasn’t one of the pretty girls at school and people were mean to her because of that. Another girl shared a similar story, that she was bullied because she was on the heavier side. The next girl shared that boys (and even other girls) told her that she was too skinny and needed to get some curves. I felt sick. These sweet, innocent, intelligent, amazing girls were so wrapped up in their looks and having a boyfriend because society had taught them that that was the most important thing about them.

Hollywood, and media in general, have created this culture. To say that I hate it would be an understatement. How many times have you watched this movie: the stunning, flawless popular girl has boys flocking to her while the plainer, less fashionable girl is an outcast. The plain, frumpy girl’s life only becomes complete after a top to bottom makeover and the boy of her dreams finally notices her. This is the message women have shoved down their throats: if we want men to notice us then we need to be sexy and wear clothes that show off our bodies. It is only when men start to notice us that life feels complete. #Gag #Lies

Our society is saturated in an inescapable sex culture. You go to the mall and Victoria’s Secret has barely covered models with flawless bodies all over their windows, there are signs advertising anything and everything using women in seductive poses, and there are scantily clad women selling everything from chocolate to shoes. Men are immersed in this lie that women are sex objects from the day they start puberty and realize girls aren’t gross anymore. Boys as young as 10 (maybe younger) are watching pornography and being influenced to believe that women are objects, something to acquire and use. Men are taught that they can manipulate a girl into doing what they want by calling them ‘sexy’ or ‘hot’ and get away with bad behavior by feeding a woman’s need to feel attractive, valued, and wanted. 

At a young age girls are taught by society that looks are everything. Music and movies teach women to “use their womanly wiles” (aka sex appeal/looks) to get ahead in their jobs, get men to do what they want, etc. This is a disgusting and degrading practice that many women play into because they don’t understand that their value doesn’t come educated womanfrom a man. We, as women, are taught by society that our only power lies in our looks and sex appeal. Our society is not teaching and empowering women to use their intelligence and their education to obtain their goals. An educated, smart woman is a rare thing to see praised in our society and that is a shame. God gave women brains and intelligence that is equal to that of men and we are just as capable and just as deserving of respect. Women in the workplace should never feel that they have to use their body to get ahead in their careers. Women are so much more than than high heels, a low cut shirt, or a short skirt.

When I was in 8th grade there was this boy named *Nick. Nick was 2 years older than me, and the most attractive thing my 14-year-old brain could imagine. Our classes were on a field trip to Ellis Island and we ended up sitting across the aisle from each other on the bus. He flirted with me for the entire bus trip and made a few comments about my body, which was pretty curvy. I was a young teenager and was soaking up the attention. I felt like I was worth something because such a good looking guy was paying attention to me. While walking around Ellis Island, Nick kept putting his hands around my hips and trying to hold my hand. Thanks to my half Puerto Rican genes, I had some pretty defined curves for a 14-year-old girl. Throughout the day he mentioned a few times how ‘sexy’ my curves were. I didn’t understand what the word ‘sexy’ really meant but I knew that when guys used it in the movies it always made the girl feel really good…so I was pleased with the word being used to describe me. On the bus ride home Nick and I ended up sitting together, in the dark. I remember Nick trying to touch me inappropriately. I was too scared to let anything happen, thankfully he respected that. It was partially because I was super innocent and had never had a boy notice me sexually before and partially because purity culture had hammered into my head the importance of virginity and not letting boys touch me lest I lose those imaginary flower petals wherein my value was held. Luckily, a teacher noticed how uncomfortable I was and made him move. My young, teenage brain thought attention like that was not just normal but what every girl wanted – to feel pretty and sexy and to have a guy notice.

Fast forward to 10th grade. I was attending a Christian school and there was a boy named *Jack. Jack was popular, an athlete, and we had become good friends that year. After a school program, Jack and I were talking and he said to me, “Sier bear (his nickname for me), if you were thinner I would totally date you.” That one statement devastated me and the repercussions of that one comment followed me well into my adult life. I felt disgusting and I hated my body even more than I already did. I struggled with body hatred and self-image issues for years all because of that one comment. From that day on, until just 2 years ago, I began to define my self-worth based on whether or not a guy found me beautiful.

Jump forward 11 years, to age 27. I was at a local bar celebrating a good friend’s birthday. I had just gone through a really terrible break up and wasn’t really following Jesus at the time. One guy in particular had been talking with me all night and at one point he said, “Da** girl, you are sexy as hell”. While part of me wanted to slap him in the face, the other part of me enjoyed being noticed. ‘Sexy’ to me was a word I had always associated with models and girls who were incredibly gorgeous. It sounded like a compliment but felt degrading. I felt good on the surface but inside I felt gross and objectified.

Objectify: to degrade to the status of a mere object

I had spent most of my life believing that my self-worth was tied to how men saw me. How many women believe that? How many women spend their lives feeding off what men think about them? Sexy is one of the most degrading words a man can use to describe a woman.  Why? Because, if you read the definition above, it implies that our value is attached to how sexually appealing we are.  Our value and worth have nothing to do with whether or not a man finds us sexy or sexually appealing. I don’t ever want a man to look at me like that. It is not a compliment to be viewed as a sexual object, which is exactly what the word ‘sexy’ implies.

A while back I posted a selfie on Facebook and a man I don’t know very well commented using the words “sexy and hot”. He genuinely thought he was not complimentscomplimenting me. However, I felt awkward and slightly disrespected. ‘Sexy’ and ‘hot’ float in the same pool of words that I hate men using to describe women. Again, those words are used to sum up a woman’s worth in her sex appeal and I ain’t all about that life. Not even kind of.  A friend saw the comments and texted me, “By the way, you are beautiful. And you deserve to have men treat you with absolute respect. I felt like cyber punching someone today on your behalf. That was so inappropriate and disrespectful.” I was glad I wasn’t the only one who read that and felt it was degrading. Yes, the comments were deleted.

As a teenager and young adult I felt stuck between two ideas. I had tied my self-worth to the purity culture teaching of virginity being my ultimate gift and I spent years protecting that. (You can read about that journey here). I had also tied my value to how appealing I was to men, if they found me attractive or not. I was a full on mess trying to figure out what in the heck defined me. Thankfully, Jesus has brought me to a place where I know whose I am and where my value truly lies.

Don’t hear me wrong, there is nothing wrong with a person sincerely paying you a compliment by telling you that you are beautiful, pretty, or gorgeous…receive the compliment, but don’t let that determine how you feel about yourself. Do not let that define your worth.

Psalm 139:13-14 says, “For You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

fearfullyMy worth comes from the fact that God created me with His own hands. He took the time to form me and knit me together. The creator of the universe, the galaxies, the heavens…He made ME! My value is found in the fact that God says I am priceless. He calls me daughter. He calls me wonderful. He says I am accepted. He says I am a temple for His Spirit! I must be pretty valuable to Him if He sent His Spirit to live inside of me. David refers to himself as “wonderful” because he is one of God’s works, and so are you. It is good to have a healthy view of yourself. You SHOULD love yourself, you should value yourself – God sure does!

1 Corinthians 6:20, “For you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” I don’t think it is glorifying to God to use our bodies to gain attention from men. It was never in God’s plan. My priority should never be to dress a certain way or use my body in such a way as to gain a man’s attention. I am far more valuable and worth more than that. But, so many women believe that that is all they are because our culture has told them that since they were young! I was never designed to be an object, but a woman with feelings, a soul, a heartbeat, a brain, and talents…my outward beauty is just a bonus. I want a man (my future husband) to see my outrageous love for God, my heart of compassion, my love for people, my brain that is wired to love learning, and my heart for worship all before he focuses on my outward appearance.

It is time we teach our daughters and the women around us that they are more than a pretty face and a nice body. That having a man does not define them. Too many women look to men to tell them how valuable they are. Too many women are sleeping with men in order to feel wanted or desired. That makes my heart and God’s heart sick. Women were not created for men’s pleasure. Too many women are being used, raped, trafficked, prostituted, and enslaved by men. Too many women are dancing on poles and selling themselves on the street because they don’t understand how much value they have. Too many women are staying in abusive relationships because they don’t think they deserve better. Too many women are being date raped by men who just want sex. Too many women are being sexually assaulted by men who think women are here to satisfy them. Too many women are being sold into sex slavery by men who have sickening views of women.

Enough is enough. We have to begin teaching young girls to love and respect themselves, to cherish themselves, and to look to the One who created them and who so much moresays they are incredible, wonderful, and special. We have to break this mindset that teaches men that women are here to serve them, that women were created as subservient to men. Men who view women as subservient or inferior tend to believe that women were created for men and even warp Scripture to back that claim up.

We have to teach girls that they are allowed to be strong, independent, and opinionated women.That is it okay to have a voice, to be smart, and to be leaders. I have seen too many women believe the lie that society has taught them that they NEED a man. I am all for marriage, seriously, I’ve been asking Jesus for a good husband myself. But, I don’t believe in marriage defining me as a woman. If I never get married I will not be any less valuable, I will not be any less worthy of love.

I am not saying living in this culture is easy for men. I wouldn’t want to be a man in our American culture. Men, now more than ever, have sex in their faces at every turn. Movies, music, and advertisements tell men that women are for sexual pleasure, to boost their ego’s, and to serve them. We live in a society that praises a man for “bagging” a girl. That in itself makes me want to vomit. “Bagging”…like she is something to be added to a man’s roster, another number on his list of sexual conquests. Men are taught that they have a sex drive that is uncontrollable and that women are here to help satisfy their need and desire for sex. I wrote in a past post a little about this. I stated, If a man is objectifying a woman wearing a short skirt we are told that if the girl hadn’t worn a short skirt the guy wouldn’t have looked–this puts all of the responsibility on the woman (like she was asking to be objectified) and makes men look like brainless, sex driven sheep (which, they are definitely not)…this scenario says less to me about the woman than it does about the man. “

I write to the fathers…I implore you to love, cherish, and adore your daughters. Tell them they are beautiful, talented, special, and worthy of love. A father’s love and adoration, or lack thereof, can make or break the way a girl sees herself and even how she will let boys treat her. Fathers, you are the most important man in your daughter’s life. Don’t check out when they hit puberty and start developing into a woman. Stay connected; teach them the difference between a good man and a guy who just wants to use them.

not flowersWe need to teach boys that girls are people, not objects.

We need to teach boys that girls are their equals, not subservient.

We need to teach boys that they ARE in control of and responsible for their sex drives, their minds, and their eyes.

We have to teach girls how valuable and worthy of love they are simply because they are human and made in the image of Almighty God.

We need to tell girls they are more than enough just as they are.

We have to stop shaming women into being skinny or into getting procedures to change the way they look so that men will find them more attractive.

We need to tell girls that outward beauty isn’t lasting. Their mind, their strength, their humor, their hearts…those things will last; those matter more than their outward appearance.

We need to teach girls that God created them perfectly. That their beauty isn’t determined by whether or not a man says so.

We need to teach women that their value and worth do not increase or decrease based on a man’s opinion.

We need to teach girls to respect themselves and to love themselves, flaws and all.

My challenge is this…how can you, as a man or woman, help? How can you be one who helps break the lies society has placed in men’s minds that they are slaves to their sex drives? How can you help break the mindsets that women are sexual objects? How can you help young girls understand their value and worth? How can you help young boys learn how degrading words like “sexy” and “hot” really are? How can you teach men and women to mutually respect and honor each other’s bodies?

Think about it…leave comments in the section below or on the post on social media! I want to hear what you think!


*Special thanks to my best friend Sierra Irizarry for spending almost 3 hours helping me with the proofing, editing, and writing process. You are my favorite.